Femininity vs. Feminism: The Cult of Domesticity Today

"The perfection of womanhood... is the wife and mother, the center of the family, that magnet that draws man to the domestic altar, that makes him a civilized being, a social Christian."

That's from Godey's Ladies' Book, and it epitomizes what the Cult of Domesticity stood for, or rather stands for. It emerged in the 19th century, the era most prolific in anti-sex literature, and sexism to this day has developed into a subtler form, which is infuriatingly harder to prove. However, the blatant sexist views of the 19th century still linger today, mainly in the fundamentalist conservative Christian society, located largely in the bible belt of America. The fundamentalist conservative Christian society could aptly be described as a subculture, and to clarify this is the extreme side of Christian society. The Christians in this subculture not only advocate the immorality of sex before marriage and abortion, but go as far to insist that birth control is ungodly, that women must only wear skirts and dresses, that kids should not be subjected to the evils of public school, that wine is a source of evil, and that all types of kissing before marriage constitutes as inappropriate premarital relations. In today's culture a prime example would be the Duggar family on TLC's show "19 Kids and Counting". The 19 kids are evidence of the lack of birth control, all the girls are only allowed to wear skirts, all children are home schooled, and the kids do not date but rather engage in courtship. These are only a few characteristics of the fundamental biblical subculture.

It is in this strait-laced conservative society that the Cult of Domesticity thrives. The Cult of Domesticity advocates the four ideal virtues of "true womanhood": piety, purity, submission, and domesticity. The Cult of Domesticity insists that the woman's place, and only place in life, is in the home with her children and husband. Girls are born with a career plan already decided for them, and that's in the home as wife, mother, and homemaker.

We're living in the 21st century, so the fact that this narrow mindset still exists after two hundred years is a bit disconcerting. Today's fundamental Christian movement on "femininity", as they call it, mirrors so closely the same Cult of Domesticity that purported the degrading Scientific Sexism for women.

Godey's Ladies' Book is flooded with charming little drawings of the demure, angelic-looking wife with her husband and children. The many online blogs of women in the femininity movement feature pictures with similar subjects; the same virginal-looking women but trapped behind the paintbrush strokes of John Waterhouse and other dreamy, tranquil water paintings. The categories for the blog posts are all the same for each. "Modesty", "Femininity", "Homemaking", "Home Education", "Courtship", and "Loving our Husbands" are usually where the most prolific writing occurs. Modesty and femininity are both defined as only wearing skirts, for God forbid they wear pants and become "more masculine". Homemaking covers everything from being thrifty to sewing, to keeping a clean house and a well-stocked pantry. Home Education values the god-given task of mothers to train their children not only standard curricula but for girls the domestic skills needed for their future. Courtship is the Cult of Domesticity's alternative to dating. In Courtship, there is always a chaperone; there is no kissing before marriage; the boy must ask permission to marry the girl; and the girl is expected to dress modestly because the boy will be unable to control his lustful faults. Loving our Husbands purports that the wife is to submit wholeheartedly to her husband. To quote a young man eager about finding his future wife, "I believe in exchanging tasks so that the woman gets into the pattern of getting outside her own needs and thinking about her obligations to me."

The Four Ideals of "True Womanhood"


Piety: The Cult of Domesticity places a sense that women have a propensity to spirituality, and that men are  in need of a strong Christian woman to support him.

"We are daughters of the King! We are building a kingdom that will have no end. We are shaping cultures--for good or ill--as we go about our daily tasks. Let us purpose to follow Christ wholeheartedly, embracing  the servanthood He demonstrated to us."

Purity: Virginity is treasured, and even after the wedding night, she is given the duty to retain purity. Men are ravenous beasts who cave to their sexual desires, but women are pure, and use their sexual power to ennoble men. She must dress modestly (and by modestly, they mean calf-length skirts and turtlenecks), because any lustful thought that enters a man's head upon sight of her puts her at fault. 

"Truth number two:  women hold the key.  In the fallen scheme of things, men want sex more than women.  And men are willing to modify their behaviour to get it (just Google to find some of the times Lysistrata’s challenge has worked to effect change in the real world as it did in Kenya in 2009).  Men, even some Christian ones, aren’t going to act chastely towards their intended or the other women in their circle of influence if it isn’t required of them.  You probably wouldn’t be able to stay on a diet if you worked in a bakery, either – constant temptation will have its effect and it women don’t expect men to behave like Christian gentleman, the men are less likely to do so." [Burnett, I sure as hell hope you read this! Talk about a flash back to AP English!]

Submission: According to the conservative Christian subculture, a woman is to submit to her husband, and that's that. 

"God made men to lead, it comes natural for them. Women are natural followers. For a woman to try to lead men is improper, because she is taking on the disposition of a man. Feminists strongly resent a husband's Biblical right to rule over his wife with authority, and resent such women as well. Sadly, many working women today have lost sight of what it means to be a mother and a homemaker."

"A Christian wife sets her mind upon God and the Bible. She realizes that obeying her husband is absolutely essential if she is to please God. She understands that she is not a slave; but rather is the "weaker vessel" according to the Bible. She does not feel inferior because she knows that her husband's happiness and success are greatly influenced by her. She is the roses in the garden, the brightness in his life. A man without his wife is sad, lonely and unfulfilled."

Domesticity: In the Cult of Domesticity, the women has one career path and that is one of mother, wife, and homemaker. The task of running home is a glorified, as long as it's a woman completing it. For a man to do so is considered ungodly. 

"Young women especially need to know there is something else of greater importance than college and career, and that they play a vital role in making a stable family. In order to have strong marriages, respectful children, and good churches, women need to return to the home." 

"The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something bitter than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies. A true mother is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness. God sends many beautiful things to this world, many noble gifts; but no blessing is richer than that which He bestows in a mother who has learned love's lessons well, and has realized something of the meaning of her sacred calling." 

Antifeminism in the Cult of Domesticity

Hoping to protect what they call the god-ordained ideal of family, that is man being the bread maker and women the homemaker, the Cult of Domesticity attacks the radical views of feminism. Unfortunately, they truly seem to misunderstand feminism. The Cult of Domesticity has chosen to believe that feminism is the woman's desire to completely leave the family for a career, to have the ability to behave as sluts with the excuse that it is "liberation", and to become more masculine. Clearly there has been severe distortion of what feminism constitutes. Feminism is the ability a woman has to choose her own path, whether that is a career in the home or the work force; a woman has the right to lead a self-fulfilling life according to her own God-given individuality. Feminism does not advocate for women to become more like men, rather it preaches that femininity is strong, equally strong to masculinity. Feminism does not advocate "slutty" behavior, rather it wants to see women to not be dehumanized as sexual objects. Women are beyond sexual power, they have more to them than just sex and their baby-making abilities. Unfortunately, the Cult of Domesticity seems to purport women's sexuality as their only power, as proven by the above quote concerning Lysistrata. Lysistrata was a mythical woman of an ancient Greek play who convinced the women of two warring cities to withhold sex from their husbands in order to coerce them to come to peace. This sadly illustrates how women are dehumanized to sex objects. The Cult of Domesticity continually purports that it is the woman who causes the man's lustful downfall and in marriage gives women the responsibility to control men's lustful urges with the withdrawal of sex. Women are so much more than sex. Women have the capabilities to pursue other options other than only a homemaker, if they so choose. 

"Women are more easily deceived, so we must be on our guard. The first woman targeted in the Bible was Eve and that is still happening today."

"Male headship in the family has been replaced by an "egalitarian" arrangement where the husband and wife "share" in the leadership responsibilities of the family. The scriptural idea that the man is head of the family (1 Cor. 11:3-12; Eph. 5:22-23) and lord of his household (1 Pet. 3:5-6) is considered by feminists to be both tyrannical and barbaric, a vestige of primitive man and his ability to physically dominate his spouse. In our day, the overwhelming majority of both men and women scoff at the notion that the wife should submit to her husband's authority."

"[In regards to feminism] ...Fueling discontent and pushing women out of their home in search of greater meaning and satisfaction has resulted in off-the-chart stress levels for many women who can no longer survive without pills and therapists. The woman who life does not center around her home and the well-being of her family and who is constantly darting form one place sand one activity to another is more vulnerable to being entailed in immoral relationships and is more likely to entice men who are vulnerable themselves. The greatest spiritual, moral, and emotional protection a woman will ever experience is found when she is content to stay within her God-appointed sphere." 

"I think the key here is to look at what feminism has actually done. Has it promoted the overall happiness of women, stabilized the social structure of families, created a healthier (both physically and mentally) generation of children, contributed to economy, reduced the levels of stress and anxiety for both men and women? No, no and again, no. Feminism robbed countless women of the fulfillment they could easily and naturally have had as wives and mothers, leading them to the false belief they must do something “greater” to be happy, and causing the average “modern” human being to believe that the existence of a woman as “just” a wife and mother is illegitimate. This is now ingrained very deeply in us. Even many of the women who do stay behind to guard the hearth and home, often fret about proving they are “doing enough” at home in order to justify their presence as homemakers."

"We, as 21st century families and mothers, have been lulled to sleep by feminists theories that whisper from us from the magazines and books on the racks that falsely dictate what home and family life for us should be like and what our 'rights' are." 

The irony is astounding. The Cult of Domesticity purports purity and laments the depravity of what they deem whorish behavior, all the while dehumanizing women giving them a twisted sexual power over men. The Cult of Domesticity takes women to a level of being subhuman, a place where they can not choose to live fulfilling lives as their God-given individuality sees fit. The Cult of Domesticity has reduced women to a be a mere asset to men, and in turn has also disabled the individuality of the man. Rather than man and woman being two separate, individual entities who exercise their own efficacy, they have come to this sick dependance on each other, with women being the base root of evil. It leaves man crippled and unaccountable when it is always proclaimed that woman is the cause of his failure, and it's unfair to constantly blame the woman, citing what the cult calls man's moral decline to be the fault of woman. Man can look after himself, and woman shouldn't be expected to be responsible for the sins of man. They've created double standards, and worst it is all done in the name of God. 

As for my own view of the roles of men and women in society, I think both Oscar Wilde and Ralph Waldo Emerson got it right. 

"There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely - or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands."  

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

But then again, perhaps the film Jurassic Park sums up what is surely foreboding in the future with this quote: 

Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.

Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man … woman inherits the earth. ; )

Short Story: Katie

There was the sound of grinding tire against the road, and Katie could see the white mail truck drive off and disappear over the hill. The mail was here. Drawing in a deep breath, Katie placed her hand gingerly on the doorknob of the front door. It was time to get the mail. Exhaling, she flicked her wrist and opened the screen door. With a creak it shut behind her. And there she stood on the porch in front of her red brick house in the middle of acres of farmland on the outskirts of Landonville. But no, she could go farther than that. On the outskirts of Landonville in the state of Pennsylvania in the United States of America in North America, the western hemisphere, the planet Earth, the Milky Way – the universe. Here she was standing on this single spot being no more important than a speck of dust. Did the cosmos really care if that letter had come? Would the sun still rise if he were really dead? Of course the cosmos would not care and of course the sun would still rise. They cared for her as one cares for a minute speck of dust – they thought nothing about her let alone her problems because when it came right down to it, she wasn’t important. 

Katie crumpled the skirt of her dress in her hands. But then, what if… what if there was a whole another world on that speck of dust? An entirely other existence! Would that world, on that minute speck of dust, care if there was a letter in the mailbox saying that he’s dead? Maybe… probably not. Would that whole dust-speck world matter to the rest of the universe? Now that was something to think about! But then another thought hit her mind, if there was a whole world on a speck of dust, who’s to say there wasn’t an entire existence within her? What if the fact that she existed was enough, it was the end all? An entire unique universe within herself! Now Katie felt rather overwhelmed, thinking such big thoughts as these, but it was giving her time to stall. Would there be universes in others? Well, it only seemed logical. 

The mailbox was still there waiting, but Katie had a few more questions, a few more opportunities to stall. If there was an entire existence within herself, how did that change her relationship with him, dead or alive? Well, death was inevitable. This thought now struck Katie strangely. Death was inevitable, and that seemed to make life… kind of… pointless. Even if he was, by the protection of some angel over there, still alive, it was still pointless. Life was pointless; it all didn’t matter. So if he was dead… Katie was now trying to fathom the idea that people, on the outside looked like normal creatures, but on the inside contained an entire universe. Imagine that! People walking down the streets, with an entire universe within in them that she could not see, nor understand. Perhaps she should try to understand her own universe within her, perhaps she should find some meaning in life with or without him… but then, that seemed absurd. 

Katie had stalled too long. Now was the time to look at the mail. Slowly, calmly, Katie descended the steps. Slowly, calmly, Katie walked down the brick path. Slowly, calmly, Katie walked across the road, and slowly, calmly, Katie opened the mailbox. There was, inside, a solitary letter. Carefully she pulled it out and inspected it. It was starch white, with bold letters printed on it. “Katherine Williams, 707 Windermere Drive, Landonville, Pa, 19680”. It didn’t have the full address; they forgot to add the fact that it was in the United States, North America, the western hemisphere… she had to open that letter. Slowly she peeled it open, removed the letter, and unfolded it. “Ms. Katherine Williams, The Secretary of the Army has asked me to express deep regret that your Robert was…” Katie read no more. She did not wish to read anymore. Carefully she wiped a tear away, trying to tell herself what her recent revelations had told her:

It didn’t matter.  

Thanatopsis, Anyone?

"Keep Pennsylvania Beautiful" states a dirty blue road sign by the bridge near the stone ruins. I've never noticed it before, and I've been down this road several hundred times since I live right around the bend and down the road. Pennsylvania is beautiful. From my perch under the tree, I'm surrounded by green, and there is something so uplifting, so perfect about being surrounded by green. It is as if the human psyche, after being restrained by telephones, remote controls, and wireless internet can breath again as it returns to Eden from where it first came. It's hypocritical for me to say that though, for I have my iPod resting in my lap. I'm addicted to it. In fact, it contains my entire life. My personal calendar, my contact list, my dictionary, my work, my notes, my music, my countdown to graduation, my menstrual cycle, my favorite art, my games - everything except my books. One can't truly enjoy a book unless it's there in one's hands; tangible, real, and earthy.

A caterpillar catches my eye, and it surely is one of the most ugliest things I've ever seen. It looks like a naked mole rat, except it's a caterpillar. I watch, fascinated, as it inched along a rock, marching in a dictated pattern: slide rear up, lift head up, lean to the left, place head down, repeat. A curious thought hits my mind. Nature is considered beautiful, natural, a place where humans should belong but have been driven away. Insects, though a part of nature, seem to conjure up ugly connotations. Of course there are a few exceptions: the lovely butterfly, the charming bumblebee, the cute and tiny spider  - but insects are seen as ugly. Perhaps it is because they drive humanity away from where they are supposed to be. Perhaps they are the excuse humanity uses to lock themselves up with their iPods and laptops. Nature would be more tolerable to humanity if that pesky fly wasn't buzzing in your ear or that mosquito wasn't sapping up your sweet blood. Sure, bears may eat you and snakes may poison you, but there is something more picturesque about them than bugs. Bugs, like flys and maggots, bring up gruesome images of rotting carcasses, but that's just part of nature, right? Dust to dust, ashes to ashes, and into the ground we go to that mighty sepulcher William Cullen Bryant talked about. We need to become one with the earth somehow, and those flesh-eating insects do the job well. What a shame it is, to see humanity driven away from God's own creation because of the gnats frittering away in front of their face. Perhaps humanity is repulsed, because those obnoxious, flesh-eating insects, who decompose our bodies into part of the earth serve as a reminder for one thing; death is coming.

The Personal Truth

"That would be my metaphysical definition of truth; something so personal that the same truth could never be appreciated by two minds." -Oscar Wilde


Existence before essence; that is what existentialism states. In fact, it's the first pillar of existentialism. "Human life is understandable only in terms of the individual experience." The individual is a being created from unique experiences, and from those unique experiences they create their own truth. Since they have these unique experiences from which they create their personal truth and no one else has those unique experiences then other people cannot appreciate their truth completely. Individuals have need to create their own truth because life has no truth to offer. That's the only truth one can derive from life. In The Stranger, Mersault comes to embrace the fact that there is no meaning to life. That is what makes him a stranger. He is surrounded with people like Marie who gives value to marriage and the chaplain who preaches about life's certainties, but Mersault has come to embrace the fact that there is nothing certain, and embraces the absurdity (ab*S*urdity) of life. Today, we see this same mindset about personal truth, but it has a different name: moral relativism. Moral relativism says that what's true for you isn't true for me. The best example of this is seen when looking across cultures. Earlier this year Burnett gave us an article on Cultural Relativism. The first half of it talked about differing moral codes that different cultures have adopted. Take a look at the Eskimos. It is not unusual for men to have more than one wife, and it was considered a generous act to give one's wife to a guest for a night. Not only that, but a prominent male-figure in the community might even go as far as to demand other men's wives for their own personal use, and this was acceptable. Our western culture would see this as a degradation of marriage, but it's perfectly acceptable in culture of the Eskimos. Moral relativism says that we shouldn't judge them for their different code. It goes back to Wilde's quote and existentialism. The truth is something so personal because we are all unique individuals. We develop our own personal truth, and therefor we cannot appreciate the truth of others. Interestingly enough, the article continues on to score a point for universal truth using grandma as an example. In the U.S. it is forbidden to eat grandma, and so it is in a country like India. However the latter won't eat cows because they believe that it could possibly be grandma they're chowing down on. The discrepancy there isn't moral, it's just a question about who is grandma. The universal truth? Don't eat grandma. 


P.S. I would also like to mention Dean Nusbaum in this blog, because I told him I would. It's all because I have superpowers. 
P.P.S. This is the third blog in a row I have based off an Oscar Wilde quote. I'm obsessed. 

nope.

After completing my monthly blog, I left the computer to watch an episode of The Walton's, and then an episode of Law&Order, took a shower, and then realized how unhappy I was with my blog. It's not that fjdksla;jklsad;;fjkdsla;fjkdsl;fdkslafjdsafjioafjwledksfiweofhadjvaghuehdijo

Oscar Wilde and Christianity

How Wilde Has A Better Grasp On Christian Truth And How He Exposes Christianity's Hypocrisy


I have a confession. I am obsessed with Oscar Wilde. Honest to goodness, I'm obsessed. My nighttime routine consists of me reading some of Wilde's poetry, reading a psalm or two, and then it's lights out. I'm enraptured by his brilliant wit and sensitivity to life and all it's hypocrisy. Recently, I was reading a few of these quotes to my Baptist pastor father, and he was impressed with how much truth was in the witty paradoxes of Wilde's word. I've taken the liberty to expound on these quotes and how they relate to Christianity today.


"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."


Christians have created a whole new type of elitism. Christians have divided the population into two groups: people who are wonderful God-loving Christians, and then the people who are not seen just as lost sheep, but they're terrible sinners. Sure, the Christians will be every so merciful and reach out through them through missions projects, but befriend them? Never! Those sinners will lead them down a dark and dangerous path towards hell. Christians seem to forget that even though God has washed away their sin by His son's blood, that they're still sinners. They're made of the same flesh and blood that sins; they're all sons of Adam and daughters of Eve. Christian elitism is exposed in this brilliant Wilde quote.  The sad thing is, I've seen it in the church. It's seen in those homeschooling Christians. Now seeing that I have a few relatives who have religiously homeschooled their children, I'm in rough waters here, but it needs to be said. Many Christians will homeschool their children for the sake of protecting their children from these sinners, but in reality they're only crippling them for when the real world takes over. Nice job parents, you're teaching you're kids this Christian elitism hides the fact that we're all sinners and that Christ came for everyone. Bravo. 


"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."


Well, the bible pretty much says just this. Be kind to your enemy and it will annoy them. "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Romans 12:20. Once again, I can draw from personal experience to see how Christians can wallow in bitterness and simply can't forgive their enemies. 


"Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you." 


And once again, there is a bible verse for that."Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20. Sure, there is the discrepancy between heaven and soul, but consider the fact that the Holy Spirit dwells in the soul of a born-again believer and the essence of the quote is there.


I read each quote of Wilde, and I'm sit dumbfounded at his brilliant wit, his ability to reveal all hypocrisy in this world by arranging this feeble English language perfectly. I could go on forever, speaking about Wilde's wit and how it reflects truth. I choose to single out Christianity, being a Christian myself who looks around and sees Westboro Baptist Church and people whom I myself love flaunt their self-righteousness and snub sinners in all their elitism. I'm not saying I'm perfect myself - heck, I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I'm unworthy of the love Christ has given me. Yet there are Christians who are ultimately despising those "sinners in the hands of an angry god", when they're just as guilty themselves. Just think of the irony of it all, the Christians who would condemn Wilde for his extravagant ways, his homosexuality, his quirkyness and wit - yet he's more of a Christian than they are. 

The Sentimental Conspiracy: Tear-Jerking Stories Trump Actual Talent

With a new season of American Idol starting, we get to see all the nutcases and whack-jobs trying to finagle their way into getting their 15 minutes. Some people with actual talent make it to Hollywood, however some not so talented might slip through the cracks all due to the Sentimental Conspiracy. Some people come in with these heart-wrenching stories. Chris Medina came to American Idol with the tragic story about the loss of his fiancée, Juliana Ramos. His girlfriend had suffered a terrible brain injury, leaving her with severe mental retardation. Chris did the courageous and took on the role as caretaker, yet then he decided to audition for American Idol. I’m not criticizing him for auditioning, but I’m not the only one who thinks that his performance wasn’t stellar. People just go for the sob stories; they love the drama of it. On America’s Got Talent, Connor Doran made it to the semifinals with his kite-flying act. Yes, this kid flies his pretty little kites indoors for his talent. Now the trick is that he has epilepsy. I watched his audition. He spoke about how he has these negative feelings but flying the kites soothes him. Aw, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. If I were to go onto that stage and fly a kite, I’d become one of those nutcases who simply suck and become the laughingstock of society, like William Hung (no offense to him). Yet once again, Connor’s sob story beats the other competition. VoteForTheWorst.com posted a list of the top sob stories on American Idol and rated how well they worked. Unfortunately, they’re working.  People aren’t voting on talent, they’re voting on the sob story that produces the most tears. It’s the Sentimental Conspiracy at work.

In Existentialism, the Sentimental Conspiracy is defined a bit more broadly. It implies that people are pressured to behave as the rest of society does. In the case of the Idol sob stories, the sentimentalism in the Sentimental Conspiracy takes a double meaning because people are responding to the sentimental wishy-washy stories that people give and not to pure, raw talent, which is the original intent of the show. Yet it also is a great example of the Sentimental Conspiracy as it is given in Existentialism. Society pressures people into following it's rules. How bad would it look for people to tell the guy with epilepsy that he didn’t have enough talent for the show? It would be pretty rough, almost mean. Society falls for the sob stories and when you have the cynics call them out they become “haters”. Yet the goal of the show is to take the ones with the most talent and have them compete for the title of the best. This is a dog eat dog world and the best rise to the top. It’s not that the kid with epilepsy isn’t as special a person as opera singer Bryn Terfel, but the goal of the show is being tainted with society’s fear of hurting the feelings of others. I wish to bring up another point; we all have problems. Sure, none of us have had our fiancée wrecked in a car crash, but we’re all dealing, have dealt, or will deal with hard times, so why don’t we all get our fifteen minutes and try out for American Idol? I'm not saying that I don't feel sorry for the guy. He's incredible man for staying with and caring for his fiancée, but the show is about talent.  The Sentimental Conspiracy is shown today in modern society as people choose the sob stories in order to follow society's rules and feel good about themselves instead of choosing talent.